About Us

First Sunday Speakers

by Kerry Sangster

My spiritual journey began in a small, Dutch Reformed church in upstate New York where my family attended service every Sunday. It was the kind of place where we’d stand and drone the hymns slowly together. As a teen, it became clear to me that this was not what I was searching for spiritually- I wanted to be awakened and emotionally involved. I wanted an interactive faith.
In high school, I found myself drawn to the local Youth for Christ group. I felt a connection with their mission to change the world with love. I was “born again” one night at the end of one of the weekly youth gatherings.

This worked for me for a while until something strange happened- I had fallen hard for my best friend, who just happened to be a stalwart agnostic who was also a member of the YFC group. The fact that we were “unequally yolked” was a major problem for the leaders of the group, and also my peers- but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get rid of my feelings for him. I was told that I loved John more than I loved Jesus, and if I stayed with him, I was going to be miserable for the rest of my life. I was made to feel that it had to be a choice between the two.

As time went by, I made my choice. Eventually, I followed John from New York to Chicago for college, where we moved in together. I didn’t regret my choice, but I did actively feel my missing spirituality. I convinced John that we should join the local charismatic church on his campus. The services were full of energy and it also had community aspect we were both looking for - we joined a small group bible study. This went smoothly for a while, and my agnostic decided again, like in high school, that they understood something he was missing, and that he wanted to work with them to help him believe.

This coincided roughly with when the group leaders came to our apartment for dinner. While they were there they discovered that we weren’t just sharing an apartment, we were sharing the bed in it. The next week when we went to bible study, we split up into groups of men and women as usual, but what was unusual is that the women gathered around me in a circle, placed their hands on me, and prayed over me. They prayed that I would leave John, that I would move in with one of them, and told me that if I stayed with John, I would be absolutely miserable the rest of my life.

We left.

A year or so later, I was approached by a woman on campus, who asked me if I wanted to join a bible study. Still spiritually unfulfilled, I eagerly accepted. I arrived only to find out it was a one-on-one bible study, which I thought was strange, but I went with it. At my urging, John joined a study too. As we got deeper within the church, I found more things that were strange – the missionary time commitment demanded of the members was odd, but the main thing that disturbed me was that they arranged marriages for most of their members. I figured that that would be fine, since John and I were engaged by this point, and we could still be a part of that community.

They had, however, other plans for me. After about a year I was taken aside. It was explained to me that what would be best would be to give up my dreams of moving to New Hampshire and becoming a teacher. John could go, but I would need to stay in Chicago. They would arrange a marriage for me. I would teach the bible to students on campus. If I married John, I would be miserable for the rest of my life.

We left – again.

John and I got married- and it may not come as a surprise to any of you that it’s never made me miserable. Although still spiritually unfulfilled, I had no desire to be a part of another church. My agnostic however, whether simply a glutton for punishment or congenitally predisposed to search, went searching and read about Unitarian Universalism. At dinner one night last August he asked if I’d go with him to the church in Concord. I was terrified, but how could I refuse, when he, the agnostic, always tried whatever flavor of Christianity I had thrust upon him?

I no longer know what I believe spiritually. I do know that born again Christian is not how I think of myself. I do know that this community is the ideal place for both of us. And I do know that this is the perfect community to help us welcome our first child in July. In high school when I first ventured into my own spiritual journey, I was looking for love that could change the world. I think I’ve found that in the seven principles of Unitarian Universalism. The message of love combined with respect and tolerance rings true to me, especially when held up against the messages intolerance I used to hear, which wore the mask of love. My agnostic and I could not be happier to have found this community, and a spiritual growth we can work on together.