“Deeply Listening Within” was the theme for our service on Oct 13th – the one where I had us pay attention to the sensations in our big toes… It was motivated by my quest to have my reactions be more constructive, more intentional, more in line with my aspirations and values, and the impact I hope to have on those around me.
I am increasingly aware that noticing the sensations in my body offers me a chance to slow down my reactivity and make space for a mind-engaged deliberate response. Here are the six response filters I try to engage once my body’s sensations have triggered the alert that a reaction is brewing:
- What would be a kind, a loving response?
- What in their experience might have made them say, do, or think that? What does the situation look and feel like from their perspective?
- What is the opportunity as a result of what now is?
- What can I learn for myself (and others) as a result?
- Is there anything I need to do to protect myself, like remove myself from the situation for the time being?
- What is mine to own and how can I best apologize for my impact or intentions?
My experience is that applying those filters to my responses, helps to disrupt the spiral of reactivity, frustration, and the straining of relationships. It also lowers my own level of anxiety, tension, and dread as I step into difficult conversations, or find myself in situations that require an emergency landing in unfamiliar territory.
It helps me stay grounded in trust rather than suspicion, and in curiosity rather than anticipating the worst.
With love and curiosity from me and my big toe,
Michael